In Remembrance of Dr. Mark

By Deb Boelkes

A few weeks ago, a call rang into my office with a caller ID from the West Los Angeles area. Since my beloved business partner, Dr. Mark Goulston, resides in that area code, I immediately answered the call with a friendly, “Hello, this is Deb…”  

The caller cheerfully responded, “You don’t know me, but I just finished reading your book, The WOW Factor Workplace, and I just loved it! It was such a wonderful book, I just had to call to let you know. Thank you so much for writing it. Reading this book has been life changing for me.”

Instantly intrigued, I wanted to know what this gentleman did for a living. He surprised me when he said he was Dr. Mark’s barber for many years.

I had never received accolades about any of my leadership books from a barber before, so I asked the exuberant gentleman how he came to read The WOW Factor Workplace. The barber responded, “Mark’s wife offered it to me as a gift when she was sorting through Mark’s office.”

Baffled, I responded, “Sorting through Mark’s office?”

“I’m sorry. Have you not heard that Mark died suddenly about six months ago?”     

Hearing that was like a gut punch.

After I moved from southern California to Florida, Dr. Mark and I communicated by phone quite frequently while we were collaborating on The Wow Factor Workplace and its follow-on book, Heartfelt Leadership.  But after these two books were published, we spoke less frequently, perhaps a couple times a year. You know how time flies when you’re busy juggling multiple business and family priorities.

Struggling to recall the last time we spoke; I was stunned to realize that it had been a couple years. Yet, it was comforting to know that when we did talk, he would always confirm that he was still trying to gracefully retire and spend more time with his grandchildren.

“That’s the way life should be at your age,” I would encourage him. But now he was gone.

For someone who tries very hard to live a life without regrets, I couldn’t help but chastise myself for not deliberately calling him more often.  How I wished I could tell him, just once more, how much I loved him and cherished his friendship, and how he had always amazed me by telling me what I was thinking before I even realized myself what I was thinking.

What a rare and unique talent he had– articulating another’s thoughts and feelings, even better than they could, and before they could. I’ve never known anyone else with such a precious gift.

Perhaps that is what captivated me when...

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Requiem for the US Postal Service

By Deb Boelkes

It’s a Heartfelt Leader’s responsibility to make tough decisions. Some of the toughest decisions require challenging and sometimes upending the status quo. Sometimes, when long-revered institutions have outlived their useful lives, we must decide to pull the plug.  

Registered voters will soon need to decide by what means they will vote in the upcoming general election. Those who intend to vote by mail must decide whether to trust the United States Postal Service (USPS). It’s certainly not what it used to be.

A few months back I posted a chronology of exasperating experiences I’d had with the deteriorating quality of the United States Postal Service (USPS) (refer to Do You Trust the Postal Service Anymore?). One example highlighted the (lack of) delivery of two heartfelt notecards I had “snail-mailed” to a friend. The situation remained unresolved at the time of that post.  

As a fresher, I had mailed notecard #1 to let my friend know she was in my thoughts and prayers when her husband suddenly became critically ill. I mailed notecard #2, a sympathy card, two weeks later when her husband passed away.

Now, several months later...

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Who’s Funding Your Candidates Speaks Volumes

By Deb Boelkes

Do you ever make the effort to investigate who is contributing to the candidates on your ballot before you decide how to vote? I do, and it’s often quite stunning.

I once saw this meme posted on social media: "Politicians should wear sponsor jackets like NASCAR drivers, then we know who owns them", commonly attributed to Robin Williams. The idea would be hilarious if it wasn’t so appropriate.

A few years back, when our Congressional district boundary lines changed because the 2020 census dictated reapportionment of an additional district in our state, our county was left without an incumbent Congressman. As a result, a surprising number of people stepped forward to throw their hats into the ring.  Ultimately, three contenders qualified as candidates—by paying the $10K+ filing fee or by submitting an in-lieu-of-filing petition containing verified signatures of 1% of the registered voters in our geography—including:

1. Our State Senator who was term-limited from running again for that position. He was endorsed by one of our US Senators, our State Attorney General, and our state CFO.
2. A retired US Navy Chief Petty Officer who after obtaining a Doctorate degree in Management became a college professor and stock trader. He was endorsed by a former US Secretary of the Interior, a veterans’ organization, and a disabled veterans Political Action Committee (PAC).
3.  A health insurance benefits contract administrator who openly admitted he was not a politician—but had a servant’s heart—and was not endorsed by anyone of note.  

Uncovering who funded these candidates was...

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What’s Profoundly Important to You?

By Deb Boelkes

As a business or community leader, you no doubt live a busy life and must constantly juggle multiple priorities.  With numerous opportunities and people vying for your time and attention, you routinely search for ways to optimize your effectiveness quotient.

In the final chapter of my book, Strong Suit: Leadership Success Stories from Women on Top, I asked each of the executives featured to answer this question: “Have you been successful in the way you expected?” Not surprisingly, their answers were all over the map. The one commonality was that few of them saw themselves as others perceive them. 

The first time I was personally asked such a question, I was stunned at my own answer, yet what I said was truthful and heartfelt. Essentially, I said something to the effect that since my original career goal was to become the CEO of my own company, I’ve been successful. But achieving that success has felt different than I expected. Along the way, I had to play the cards that I was dealt. It’s been a humbling experience.

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Do You Trust the US Postal Service Anymore?

By Deb Boelkes

Does your snail mail take more exotic vacations than you do these days? This question may sound absurd, but some of my mail apparently enjoys going to Puerto Rico along the way. I suppose the route my mail takes before it reaches its targeted destination shouldn’t matter, but when the contents are expected and needed by a certain date, these lengthy (and sometimes unending) sojourns can be a bit frustrating. I’ll give a few examples.

First, there are those vendor invoices that fail to arrive.  

Granted, I could put my routine bills on autopay, but I prefer to review all charges for services rendered before issuing payments. So, I still request all utility, insurance, and credit card vendors to mail me paper invoices. If their invoice meets my expectations, I pay in full immediately via Wells Fargo’s online banking system. 99.5% of the time, the process works just fine.

But...

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How Happy Are You with Your Workplace?

By Deb Boelkes

I’m routinely asked to speak about a variety of leadership issues with management groups around the country. Two of the most requested topics lately are: How to Create a Best Place to Work Culture, and How to Lead in Times of Chaos. 

I was recently asked to also provide an Industry and Market Trends overview as the lead-in to a talk addressing both afore-mentioned topics. Knowing this audience would be varied, both in terms of industry representation and management level, I focused the overview portion on Macrotrends—from geopolitical tensions and trade conflicts to supply chain infrastructures, emerging technologies, and shifts in business culture. As you can imagine, the synopsis of what’s happening in the world these days was rather ominous.

In terms of workplace trends, I reviewed recent survey findings published by some of the most respected think tanks and pollsters. Surprisingly, ...

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What’s Your Gift that Keeps on Growing?

By Deb Boelkes

We all have our own unique gifts. In fact, my latest book, Strong Suit: Leadership Success Secrets from Women on Top is all about helping you identify and leverage those special gifts, talents and personal traits that not only come naturally to you, but you enjoy doing, you excel at, and—when put into action—make you the very special person you authentically are.

Perhaps you have certain gifts that you love to share with others, simply to bless and enrich their lives.  How would you define those special gifts?

In my case, outside the business world, I lead and/or participate in several civic and social organizations. One of them is the Philanthropic Educational Organization (commonly referred to as P.E.O.).  This “sisterhood of women” was originally organized in 1869 by seven freshmen women at Iowa Wesleyan University in Mount Pleasant, Iowa. It eventually expanded to include women off campus, and now—150+ years later—this sisterhood...

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How Do You Deal with a Narcissist?

By Deb Boelkes

I’m often asked by mentees (of all ranks), “How do you deal with an especially annoying, self-centered, toxic individual who comes across to others as though they rule the world?”

Some define such adversaries as toxic. Some call them bullies. Some label them as self-important or self-aggrandizing. Some describe them as narcissistic. I’ll just bet you know someone who personifies such depictions.

So, how do you handle such people? When required to interact with such folks, are you able to do it in a professional and courteous manner? Are you apt to deal with them differently one-on-one?      

My beloved partner here at Heartfelt Leadership—the renowned psychiatrist and best-selling author Mark Goulston, M.D.—wrote a chapter titled Steer Clear of Toxic People in his book, Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.  Long before I met him, my own personal experiences led me to believe that dealing with narcissists can be one of the most difficult interpersonal challenges we face at work and within our communities.  It was reading this chapter (over and over) that prompted me to finally go out of my way to get to know Dr. Mark.

In Steer Clear of Toxic People, Dr. Mark recounts the time he had life-saving surgery. That was the impetus that caused him to think about the stressors that kept him from living his life to the fullest:  

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