By Deb Boelkes
In the divisive, cancel culture world we live in nowadays, it’s sad but true that blame, belittling cutthroat politics, and undermining character assassinations have almost become de rigueur. Shocking examples are constantly in the headlines. Unfortunately, such abusive behavior has insidiously entered the workplace, as well.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a colleague’s inadvertent or deliberate attempts to undermine your efforts? Whenever you have found yourself to be the target of an underminer’s wrath, did you reluctantly accept the role of underdog, or did you instinctively respond in kind and fight back in defense?
Over the years, I’ve seen some who simply pick up their toys and go play quietly in the corner in attempts to mitigate what might otherwise become a no-win skirmish. I’ve observed others who eagerly throw incendiary insults right back at ‘em—deliberately upping the insult-to-injury ratio—only to enflame an all-out nuclear war.
But those aren’t the only options you have when dealing with an underminer. Believe it or not, there are better ways for heartfelt leaders to proceed. How about flipping the situation on its head to achieve a win-win result? It may sound crazy, and it may not be easy, but based on my personal experience, doing so is possible.
I’ll admit, my Pollyanna mindset stems from my first corporate job as a cast member at Disneyland—the Magic Kingdom—AKA “the Happiest Place on Earth,” where I learned the best option in any challenge is to focus on making magic happen. I’ll give you one example.
Late in my corporate career, I was recruited to a position where my mission was to help the new President “amp up” the corporate culture. For a month or so, I made the rounds to get to know the various department heads and assess the cultural climate. I quickly discovered that several department heads had “issues” with the Chief Information Officer. Virtually all of them warned me to watch out for this guy.
So, one day, as I headed into the next senior leadership meeting, I chose to sit directly across the conference table from the CIO to closely observe him.
When it came time for me to share my plans for the upcoming quarter, the CIO raised objections at every opportunity. He seemed to get a rush from undermining my—and everyone else’s—credibility. He clearly had a “win-lose” frame of mind.
Immediately, the other department heads jumped all over him, and so the day’s battle began. I instantly knew I would need to have an off-line conversation with this guy if I was to have a prayer of getting us all on the same page.
A few days later, I walked into the CIO’s office unannounced—during the lunch hour, while his administrative assistant was out. I gently shut the door and sat down. I surprised him. Next, I apologized for not having met with him previously to explain my assigned mission: to help the entire company succeed, including him.
The CIO just sat there in stone-faced silence. I could see the muscles on the side of face twitch.
Next, I asked him to share his assigned responsibilities as CIO with me. I let him know it was important for me to understand his performance objectives—and how his performance was measured—so I could do everything in my power to help him achieve his performance plan. That seemed to catch him off guard.
It took him a few minutes to loosen up, but he eventually stood up and walked over to the big, floor to ceiling white board next to his desk, where he proceeded to draw out his vision for the ideal global systems architecture for the company. To him, this architecture was sure to be the silver bullet that could take the company to the next level.
Finally, he confessed to me that it angered him that none of the other department heads appreciated what he was trying to accomplish. He believed they were deliberately attempting to undermine him by bringing in outside consultants, which made it impossible for him to achieve his performance objectives. He also confessed that he believed I had been brought on board to replace him. That was quite an ah-ha moment for me.
I assured him that was not the case. I was quite happy with my current role, and I wanted him to be successful as the CIO. I proposed that if the two of us united as a team, we could create a win-win. More importantly, if we could together enable the department heads to achieve their respective organizational WOW visions, we could create an Infinite-Win—a win for him, a win for me, and wins for the entire company, our vendors, and our customers. That got his attention.
I offered to begin by greasing the skids with the other department heads. I would help them see the benefits of his envisioned systems architecture by helping them understand how it could streamline their operations. By the end of our discussion, we agreed to collaborate. This conversation turned out to be the spark that put us on a completely new path toward an Infinite-Win outcome. To make a long story short: in the end, everyone won.
As a Heartfelt Leader, I’m always on a mission to create the kind of magic that I learned was possible from the Happiest Place on Earth. Hopefully, you now see that it is entirely possible, not only to overcome underminers, but to get them on your team to achieve infinite-win results.
I encourage you to give it a try. Go for the infinite-win next time someone tries to undermine you. And if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. In the end, it will be worth it. It might even change your world.