By Deb Boelkes
Life has way of throwing us curve balls when we least expect them. As a leader, it can be challenging enough to quietly deal with your own personal hardships when they happen, but how do you brace yourself to manage situations professionally yet compassionately when those reporting to you suffer a tragedy?
While the COVID-19 pandemic may have been a wonderful boon to some organizations, like major online retailers and home delivery firms, it’s been a disaster for many in the travel, hospitality and tourism industries. The pandemic has completely derailed many small businesses and anyone unfortunate enough to have been labelled non-essential.
When disaster strikes, it’s in the DNA of heartfelt leaders to run toward the fire, so to speak. Just as first responders are trained to do, heartfelt leaders know instinctively to be highly visible. They stand ready to provide support, comfort, and aid to distressed team members whenever it’s needed most. Doing so is what separates heartfelt leaders from the rest.
Shortly after the world went into lockdown last year, the husband of one of my own team members suffered a major stroke. At that time, and for many weeks thereafter, no family members were allowed to be with him while he was hospitalized, or during the ensuing months when he was relegated to a nursing facility for desperately needed occupational therapy. This forced separation, which ultimately lasted several months, was devastating to the entire family.
The prolonged isolation caused both husband and wife to suffer additional, depression-induced maladies. My team member ended up in the hospital herself, for nearly a month, due to the flare-up of a chronic condition she was normally able to control—until all this happened. To make matter worse, her mother passed away on Christmas day.
Meanwhile, the husband’s condition worsened. Once my team member returned home from her own hospital stay, she tried desperately to have him moved home for palliative care. All was for naught until he was finally diagnosed as in need of hospice care. Only then was she allowed to move him home. He died two days later.
As if all that was not enough to endure, the evening before the husband’s small funeral service, their visiting adult daughter received a call informing her that her son had been killed. The overwhelming shock and grief this family must have suffered is almost incomprehensible.
As a heartfelt leader, what can you do for team members who endure such trying experiences?
There is no single right answer. Appropriate responses are highly dependent on the specific situation and the individuals involved. As I discussed in my Heartfelt Leadership blog, The Art of Being There, posted September 20, 2020, sometimes all you can do is simply be there. Sometimes just being there to listen can make a world of difference.
Granted, engaging in dialog with someone who has recently experienced such catastrophic losses can be very difficult, especially if you have never experienced such loss yourself. Some people will avoid making contact—not because they are heartless, but because they simply don’t know what to say. Some are paralyzed from fear that they will make a highly emotional situation worse. Yet, avoiding the aggrieved may only serve to add to their feelings of loss and isolation.
As a heartfelt leader, I believe it is my duty to run toward the fire, to the extent that I am welcomed. In this particular case, as soon as I learned of the husband’s stroke, I dropped off a small bouquet at the front door of their home. I called immediately afterward to notify her of my delivery. I deliberately avoided seeing her during quarantine as I did not want to cause her additional distress from fear that any possible exposure to the corona virus might prolong her separation from her then-hospitalized husband.
When I called her, my primary objective was to maintain my composure so I could focus on listening to her as she shared her feelings and fears. I let her know how sorry I was and acknowledged that I couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult everything must be for her. I then gave her my undivided attention. I simply listened, acknowledged whatever she had to say, and asked for suggestions on how I and our team members could best help, given the pandemic situation.
In between update phone calls, the team and I followed up on her requests, which sometimes meant we simply kept her and her family in our prayers. I sent an occasional note card to comfort her and let her know that she was important to me.
As each additional tragedy occurred, she felt safe enough to proactively reach out to me, knowing I would be ready and willing to listen and console. Once lockdowns finally ended, I visited her—socially distanced, of course, yet mindfully present. I took a meal to her home. It was obvious that these brief interchanges made a very real difference for her.
It’s not always possible to do what I did, especially when dealing with mandated quarantines, or when significant distances are involved. Yet somehow, Heartfelt Leaders instinctively run toward the fire. They find ways to provide needed rays of sunshine, especially in the most trying of times.
I hope you will be that kind of leader.
And I pray that you will have heartfelt leaders in your life when trying times find you.