By Deb Boelkes
If you are at all like me, you may at times find yourself feeling as though you have far more to get done than hours in the day to do whatever you put on your overly full agenda.
I will admit that I am addicted to an over-active lifestyle. In CliftonStrengths’ terminology, I’m an Achiever. Always have been, probably always will be. As they define Achiever, “Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But it will always be with you. It is the jolt you can always count on to get you started on new tasks, new challenges.”
Regardless of how they define it, I’m well-aware of the reasons for my over-active, over-achieving lifestyle: I love what I do. I quickly get the things I don’t like to do off my plate so I can do even more of what I love. I am fascinated by—and usually driven to go above and beyond in—whatever it is I choose to keep on my plate. It’s like a game I truly love to play.
The downside of this character trait is how such a lust for life might impact others. Close relationships tend to work out best when your partner appreciates you for what you are, and they enjoy working right alongside you in a complementary way. But not everyone does. Some people find such behavior exhausting. They might even find it aggravating that you don’t always appreciate what’s important to them.
The good news is—if you and/or your loved ones believe such an addiction needs to be fixed—admitting the addiction to yourself is the first step towards recovery.
Have you clearly defined to yourself your priorities in life? Are you really focused on accomplishing whatever is truly most important to you, or are you just in a hurry—being busy for the sake of being busy—to avoid panic boredom?
If your over-active lifestyle is simply your own unique way of making the most of whatever time you have on this earth, if you are truly doing what you love, and you are fulfilled by whatever it is you do every waking minute, and your beloved life partner is supportive of your efforts, and together you love your life, then what’s the problem?
Recognize that problems can come about when we’re not completely in touch with what’s truly important to us, or to those around us. Let me give you an example.
Shortly after my husband retired and we transitioned from our busy, traffic-ridden, hurry-up-and-make-it-snappy, Southern California work lives to a more laid-back, southern-drawl, kind-of-retired lifestyle in northeast Florida, I found it difficult NOT to continue living at the same well-engrained, highly efficient pace I pursued while running a leadership development business dedicated to high-potential executives. Even though in our new so-called retirement life, my husband and I were able to spend more time doing things together—and we could now do things like grocery shopping in the middle of the work week—I still ran my life in high-efficiency mode.
On one Tuesday morning grocery shopping occasion, as we exited the car together, I said to my husband, “You go on over to the market. I’ll meet you in the fruit and vegetables section after I pick-up my business mail next door. See you in a minute!” and off I scurried.
As I hightailed it to the mailbox place next door to Publix, I failed to notice a kindly older gentleman who was happily sitting on his motorized mobility scooter between the two stores, just watching all the action and tipping his hat to everyone who passed by.
After I picked up my mail, I headed straight to Publix as I intently looked through the envelops that I had just collected. As I had done for years in rush-rush California, I was still unconsciously doing multiple things at once, in attempts to not waste a single minute. I was still operating in hurry-up mode, although I honestly had no reason to, other than it was just such an engrained habit.
As I quickly walked heads-down, mail-in-hand to Publix, I once again completely failed to notice the kindly older gentleman on the 3-wheel mobility scooter—only this time I literally walked within a foot of him—I was that entrenched in triaging my business mail. Nearing the entrance to Publix, I heard a gentleman’s voice call out in a southern drawl, “Whoa, slow down there, little lady…Just slow down.”
I was so distracted by the minutia that I almost didn’t hear him. But suddenly, it was as if a God-like hand tapped my shoulder and guided me to turn around to acknowledge who was speaking. Could the voice that I had just ignored be talking to me?
Turns out he was talking to me. There was no one else around. I immediately felt embarrassed by my rudeness. I stopped dead in my tracks, looked into his eyes, nodded my head, and gave him a capitulating smile. I then stepped closer to him, extended my right hand for a friendly handshake, said good morning, sir, and apologized for walking past him without any polite acknowledgement.
He replied whole-heartedly, “That’s OK little lady. But you really don’t need to be in such a rush. We’re friendly folk around here, taking time to enjoy things. Now, you go on and have a nice day.”
What a wake-up call.
I just stood there in retrospective silence for a moment. I then took a deep breath, slowed my pace, smiled at him again—more sincerely this time—and wished him a very nice day, too. Before turning to leave, I gave him a military-style salute in grateful recognition of his mentorship.
That lesson has stayed in the forefront of my mind ever since. I never walk past anyone anymore without taking just a moment to at least give them a smile. I also try very hard to intentionally take the time to be present—in the moment—whenever I’m in the presence of others. I try very hard to appreciate what might matter most to them.
In other words, my life has finally, genuinely become much more about Daring to Care. It’s more about living intentionally by the Diamond Rule which is doing unto others as someone special has done unto you—perhaps in homage to that kindly older gentleman on the 3-wheel mobility scooter.
So, now, instead of just rushing round to be an achiever in every aspect of your life, take a moment to stop now and then, and ask yourself why you are in such a hurry. What’s so important that it must get done right now, this instant?
If you are ever lucky enough to feel a God-like hand tapping you on the shoulder, I hope you, too, will just slow down long enough to take heed of that voice that may be beckoning you—saying something you really need to hear.