Friday
Jan112013
Being Authentic - Am I for real? I'd like your help
Mark Goulston Posted on Friday, January 11, 2013 at 9:21AM 
Being Authentic - "Am I for real? I'd like your help"
Being authentic is very important to me, because when you're authentic, it makes it easier for people to trust you. When you don't appear authentic, it's tough to come off as heartfelt. Even though I may seem "composed" in the following videos, since I'm shy, there is more than a little anxiety brewing within. And anxiety can make me (and everyone) inauthentic. So my question for you is do I come across as authentic and do you have any tips for further squelching the anxiety within? (That will help reduce the number of times I have to visit the restroom before every appearance I make).
(also please check Mark's new book's dedicated REAL INFLUENCE site for many free resources)
Reader Comments (3)
Body language and pacing is awesome. Very human, engaged language. I listened to two videos and came away with these two observations: 1. Your anxiety may be limiting the range of pitch in your voice. 2. A little anxiety is good, in my experience, to enable engagement with the audience. If you think its important enough, they'll get that thru your anxiety, and listen. But you probably said something like that in one of your books.
After watching these videos I can honestly say yes, you appear authentic. As far as the anxiety goes I have three suggestions.
1. Use your own advise from your "Just Listen" book and tell people upfront about your anxiety, much like the accountant and person with the studdering issues did.
2. You are becoming a performer. As a former professional musician I can sort of relate. The more you do it the more comfortable you will become. Beware of becoming too comfortable however because those "butterflies" are what will keep you on top of your game.
3. Talk with other "performers" and get their advise.
Just my two cents.
I love your "Just Listen" book. I have one more suggestion. One thing that short of "stuck out" in my mind after reading your "Just Listen" book was "why is he apologizing for being a psychiatrist" (talk you gave to a group of sales people and a few others) That may be your experience til now but I think most people don't feel that way toward psychiatrists. I may be wrong, but even so it just feels weird when you do that as I am just absolutely loving and respecting what you are communicating.
David and David,
Thank you for your kind words and very heartfelt helpful tips and taking the time to share them. I do need to work on the pitch of my voice. I think I also need to as my wife says, "smile more." I think I am so intently focused and concentrating on what the other person is saying and so I may sometimes come off as stern and severe.
You're also right about my doing too much self-deprecating about being a psychiatrist and it's unnecessary. If I am embarrassed about being a psychiatrist, it's going to make it more difficult for people to have confidence in me.
All the best,
Mark