The Responsibility of Being Responsible

By Deb Boelkes

If I asked you to select just one virtuous characteristic that should be required of anyone in leadership, and of anyone to be hired into your organization, and of any candidate you might vote into public office—a virtue so important, yet so easy to demonstrate that it could and should be taught to children, both at home and in school—what would that virtue be? 

There are many virtuous characteristics to consider, and I’d love to know which one you would select as the most important to embody at every age and stage of life. One I believe anyone over the age of three should master is the virtue of responsibility—being willingly accountable for what you say and do. And when you make a mistake, don’t make excuses, or blame others. Instead, admit it, apologize to those wronged, learn from it, and move on.  

Consistently responsible citizens, both young and old, earn and deserve our trust because they demonstrate integrity—another virtue we discussed last month.

To transform a corrupt society into a virtuous one—where the majority trust their leaders and have confidence in institutions—each of us must accept the responsibility of being responsible. We must strive to be role models of responsibility and teach our children to be responsible, too. 

If you are a regular reader of these blog posts, you know that I am an unwavering fan of the UCLA basketball coaching legend, John Wooden.  One of my favorite John Wooden quotes is this:

Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating. Youngsters need good role models more than they need critics. It’s one of a parent’s greatest responsibilities and opportunities.

On the flip side, Coach Wooden contended, “If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything,” yet he knew that how you handle a mistake can make the difference between repeating it and learning from it.

When you make a mistake, do you accept responsibility for your actions, or do you tend to make excuses or sweep things under the rug hoping others will just forget about it?

While interviewing heartfelt leaders for my upcoming book, Strong Suit: Leadership Success Secrets from Women in Top, I had the privilege of meeting with Lieutenant General Kathleen Gainey (US Army, Retired).  During our session, General Gainey shared this powerful story about accepting responsibility for one’s actions:   

One time I listened to an industry partner come in and say, “Your people are all messed up! You said you value this, but this is what your team did!”

I took his word for it. I called up the person who did that and I said, “That's not how we behave. That's inappropriate, and here's what I want to have done.”

They started doing what I laid out. Fortunately, his boss learned of this.

She looked at the situation, gathered the facts—that I had not—and came to my office to speak to me. She said, “Ma'am, I'd just like to make sure you get the whole story. Here is what they said. Here's what my guy did. Here's why my guy did that.” She provided me the full context that I failed to ask her subordinate for.

Then she continued, “Now he's taking your guidance, and doing exactly as you asked, but I think you should know that the industry partner had not done their job. They violated these regulations. They had not done this.”

I replied, “Woah. I obviously didn't take the time to get the whole story.”

“So do you have any change in guidance for me?”

“Yes. Let's go back and fix this.”

Then I sat down and wrote an apology to her subordinate. I walked down to see that individual and apologized to him in front of his peers.

Then I also left him my apology note, saying, “Wanting everybody else to know it was totally inappropriate for me to jump down two levels and not take the time to fully understand the situation.”

I had failed to take the time to wait, talk to his boss, and find out what the truth was. I was working off emotion, not facts. I didn’t even take the time to ask for the facts.

It was a total embarrassment. But I was willing to humble myself in front of others and admit, “The behavior you saw me demonstrate was inappropriate and here's my apology. I want all of you to see that I was wrong. This guy was right, and he was doing the right thing. I lambasted him for it, not realizing it.”

We all make mistakes. No one is perfect.  What matters is whether we accept responsibility for our actions, correct the situation, and make amends. I was so impressed by the General’s story and her willingness to share it, I had to ask her if she had ever observed someone else—a role model—take that kind of recovery action. She replied:

Yes, I did. I had several great examples to follow. My dad [who was also in the military] was pretty good about going back to people and apologizing when he jumped at them. I would hear him talk about those situations and how he handled them.

Role models can have a great impact on us at any age. Observing someone go above and beyond—as General Gainey did—to take responsibility for being responsible, can be a real blessing. It could even serve as the impetus needed to turn a corrupt society into a virtuous one—where people can be confident in and proud of their leaders and institutions.

As Coach John Wooden also once said:

Those of us who have been blessed with worldly success have an even greater responsibility to make an impact with our time, talents, and resources.

So, strive to be responsible for your commitments, words, and deeds at every turn. Show the children and others in your life how they, too, can be role models of responsibility. Be willingly accountable for what you say and do, apologize for your mistakes, and seek to learn from them.

Not only will you be blessed for having done so, you will be a blessing to others. What greater virtue could there be?