Do You Disparage Your Competition?

By Deb Boelkes

I remember when I was four or five years old, some of the neighbor kids would say silly things to each other, like “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” or, “Ooooo, you have coodies!”

Whenever one child might do something mean to another, the recipient might call the instigator a name, like “You coo-koo head!” followed by, “I’m going to tell on you!”

While name calling and character trashing statements may be common practice for preschool aged children, those kinds of abusive remarks were never condoned at my house. To the contrary, if my mother or grandmother happened to overhear me or any of the neighborhood children say such things, they would immediately pull me aside, sit me down, look me straight in the eye, and say to me, “It’s not nice to call people names. You know that don’t you?”

I never fully understood why I always seemed to be the one who was put in time out. Regardless of whether I was the instigator, the recipient, or just an innocent bystander, my elders never missed the opportunity to teach me an important lesson like, “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything it all,” or “Never lower yourself to their level by saying those things.”

These points were well-taken and I usually passed the advice on to the younger kids, once I was out of the penalty box.  

Such life lessons from my childhood no doubt planted the seeds that sprouted into my affinity for IBM’s basic belief, Respect for the Individual, when I went to work for Big Blue early in my corporate career. As I shared in my book, Heartfelt Leadership: How to Capture the Top Spot and Keep on Soaring, these experiences ultimately laid the foundation of my own heartfelt leadership philosophies.

Perhaps these life lessons also explain why I am appalled by the adult name calling that is so pervasive these days—as when someone labels wide swathes of society as “sexist,” “racist,” “elitist,” and so on.   Such name calling rarely, if ever, results in a positive outcome.  Not only are these kinds of labels derogatory and abusive, but such verbal aggression reflects most poorly on the individual making the remarks.

Getting back to business, I learned early in my career to never disparage our competition. Disparagement reflects poorly on the individuals doing it, and it rarely results in a positive outcome. Customers see through such remarks for what they are.

It is far better to focus dialogs on the unique value your side brings to the table. Follow-up by outperforming your competition on every front. It is best to be the role model others look up to in terms of ethics, professionalism, and trustworthiness. Outshine the rest by delivering on your promises. When you do, your value will be self-evident without you ever speaking ill of the other side.

Yes, there were countless times when our competitors cultivated all kinds of FUD (i.e., Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt) in our customers’ minds about our firm’s offerings. It was obvious they had done so because whenever we held discussions with the customer’s evaluation team, some engineer—who was predisposed to a particular competitive solution—would immediately chime in with a litany of “known” deficiencies in our offerings. 

Over the years, I found novices are prone to respond in kind. They tend to hit back by pointing out the competitors’ deficiencies.  Far better to know one’s competition so well that you can anticipate all the potential slings and arrows that may be thrown at you, ahead of time. By doing so, you can lead the conversation in a positive direction from the outset. 

My favorite approach was to lead customer dialogs by complimenting our competitor, highlighting something amazing about their offering. That would usually catch any of our nay-sayers off-guard.  We would then follow up with something like, “Yes, they are really good at that. And if you love how their offering does A, B, and C, you will love how ours does X, Y, and Z, especially if you have ever had the challenge of D, E, and F,” (something a competitor might lack) without ever naming the competitor.

Alternatively, I might lead by asking a question like, “Have you ever had this problem?” (describing a problem that I knew our competition could not address). With the customer nodding in agreement, I would then zero in on some particularly valuable aspect of our offering and keep the dialog focused on our value. It usually worked like a charm.  

Great companies, highly respected professionals, and heartfelt leaders never disparage their competition. Instead, they keep the conversation positive and complimentary by focusing on their own ability to uniquely help stakeholders improve their lives and achieve their objectives.

Keep in mind, people buy from those they like and trust. Likewise, people follow leaders who inspire them. Always strive to be that kind of role model.  

And, when you find that you cannot say something nice, try again.