Who Deserves Your Heartfelt Gratitude?

By Deb Boelkes

When was the last time you thanked someone for being an important part of your life?

The responses I typically hear to this question can be quite interesting. Sometimes, I simply get a dear-in-the headlights kind of look, as though one’s mind is madly searching through a mass of files in their personal Wayback Machine.  

Now, seriously, give it some thought. Who were the key people in your life, the ones who mentored you and were instrumental in your getting where you are?

I recently had the privilege of interviewing Nancy Howell Agee, president and CEO of Carilion Clinic—an integrated healthcare organization serving nearly a million Virginians and West Virginians—in preparation for writing my upcoming book, Women on Top: What’s Keeping You From Executive Leadership?  During our conversation, Nancy posited, “I have a little brass turtle here on my desk. When you see a turtle on top of a fence post, consider how she got there. You know she didn’t get there by herself.”

So true. In fact, none of us got where we are entirely on our own. Someone—or most likely, several someones—helped us get where we are.  For me, it’s almost overwhelming to account for all the wonderful people who helped shape me into who I am now. Just one would be my fifth-grade teacher at Eisler Elementary School, Mrs. Nancy Dunn. Not only did Mrs. Dunn teach my hybrid fifth / sixth grade class, but she led our school glee club and invited me to join.

During my first semester in the glee club, it was all I could do to try to blend into the crowd with my first soprano voice. Because I was both young for my grade and small for my age, Mrs. Dunn positioned me in the front row of the choir, where the audience could see me. I would have much preferred to have been hidden in the row behind, but no, she insisted I stand in the front.

When it came time for our big Christmas performance, to be attended by all our parents and siblings, Mrs. Dunn selected me to sing the one and only solo of the show. For this, she made me stand out in front of both the choir and the orchestra, all alone, and without a microphone, sing as loud as I could. I was petrified, but I did it. To this day, I am still reluctant to sing solos, but I am no longer shy when it comes to speaking in front of large audiences. To the contrary, I look forward to doing so.

Near the end of that school year, Mrs. Dunn pulled me aside one day to tell me about the upcoming school election, where fifth grade students would have the chance to run for an office like student body president, or secretary, or treasurer. She encouraged me to select an office and run a campaign.  I had no idea what a campaign was, or what it meant to be a student body officer, but I agreed to give it a try.

Serving as my coach, she suggested I create campaign posters to hang in all the classrooms, announcing my candidacy and platform. Although I had no idea what a student body secretary was responsible for, that was the office I selected.  I campaigned on the fact that I had nice handwriting and I could write thank you letters, on behalf of all the students, whenever we had a guest speaker—like a police officer or fireman.

On the day before the election, each candidate had to give a speech to the entire student body from the cafeteria stage. Thankfully, by this time, I had become a bit more accustomed to being in front of an audience, and speaking was not nearly as intimidating as singing.

Two days later, when the principal announced the results of the election, I learned that a boy had beaten me by ONE vote—it was the closest election in school history. I wasn’t all that disappointed to lose, and I was grateful to have gained some self-confidence in the process—thanks to Mrs. Dunn. The next fall, I was elected to serve as class president for the sixth grade and I gladly led the sixth graders in the Pledge of Allegiance and the Star-Spangled Banner each morning.

In the book Dr. Mark Goulston and I published last year, Heartfelt Leadership: How to Capture the Top Spot and Keep on Soaring, Dr. Mark shared how to give a power thank you to those who deserve your heartfelt gratitude. I’m going to follow Dr. Mark’s advice and give Mrs. Dunn a heartfelt power thank you, right here and now:

Mrs. Dunn: thank you for encouraging me to stand out from the crowd and give it my best shot to trying new things. I know that as a teacher, you had numerous challenges to deal with, both at school and with your own children at home. Yet, you chose to give me some extra attention. Your caring guidance not only served me well as a 10-year-old, but throughout my adult life. Serving as a role model leader became very important to me, and I thank you for being the catalyst.      

I now encourage you to consider who might have been such an important person in your life. Think about who was instrumental in helping you get where you are? I can only imagine there were many such people.

For now, zero in on one someone who deserves your heartfelt gratitude and let them know, in your own unique way, about the difference he / she made in your life.

Doing so just might make a really big difference in their life.