What Are Your Priorities, Really?

By Deb Boelkes

Anyone leading an organization knows that prioritizing the achievement of corporate and departmental objectives is usually an important factor in one’s performance rating as a manager. Likewise, no matter what kind of work you do, your quarterly or annual performance rating can be a big factor in determining your merit pay.

Workers tend to prioritize those activities that generate the greatest return on their efforts. That’s why organizations have incentive plans and performance reviews. It’s the age-old carrot and stick technique.  People’s priorities and work results typically reflect how much they value the incentives dangled in front of them.

In my book, The WOW Factor Workplace: How to Create a Best Place to Work Culture, Todd Wilcox, founder and Chairman of Patriot Defense Group, who formerly served in the CIA, had this to say about performance appraisals:

“In the CIA, you have periodic performance appraisals. Here, we don’t have those. You know daily whether you are doing a good job or not. The fact you’re getting a paycheck means you are probably doing a pretty good job…. If you’re still here, you’re probably doing what you’re supposed to be doing.”  

But do you personally measure your success in life based on your achievement of organizational priorities? Are the priorities dictated to you at work the most important priorities you have in your life?

Now, this is not a test. There are no right or wrong answers here, so be honest.

Considering your life overall, what are your highest priorities? Do you even know? Or do you just wake up each morning and step onto the hamster wheel of life to do the same thing you did yesterday and the day before that, without really thinking about it?

During a podcast interview recently, the show host asked me a question that I often ask other successful executives: “Have you been successful in the way you expected?”

Whenever I ask this question to others, the answers can be quite varied, and I’m often surprised by what I hear. Interestingly, this was the first time anyone ever asked me this question—and I was surprised at my own answer. But I answered truthfully, like this:

“My earliest goal in life was to become the CEO of my own company. I have achieved that goal, so I guess I can say ‘yes, I have been successful in the way I expected.’ But achieving that success felt different than I thought it would. Getting there has been a humbling experience.”

When I was fresh out of college, I thought that being a CEO would be the capstone achievement of success. But our expectations and priorities change over time. The things that once seemed so important can take a back seat to other priorities as we experience more of life.

I’ll share a little secret with you. As career focused as I may seem to some people, my top five life priorities these days are as follows:

1. My Lord
2. My husband
3. My children
4. My country
5. My career     

As you can see, my career is well down the list. Early in my adult life, it was at or near the top. But regardless of how I prioritized my career at any point in time, my success was never about the title I held, or the industry I was in, or the business function I led. Success to me was simply about how I went about doing my job. Success for me has always been about how I treat others, and how I help others become the best versions of themselves along the way. 

Throughout my life—whether at work, or at home as a wife and mother, or as a leader in my community—I have always measured my success by how well I helped others define and achieve their own personal visions of success. As I look back now, I can see that this has been the one consistent priority for me, year after year, no matter what I was doing in my job or at home or somewhere out in the world.

I never fully realized this until someone asked me that question about whether I was successful in the way that I had expected.

It’s only in hindsight that I came to realize that I have always held myself accountable for helping others become the best versions of themselves. It’s certainly never been a stated objective in any performance plan. It’s just a personal priority that overarches everything I do. It’s always been the driving force behind—and my personal measure of—my success. Any other measure of success has always felt hollow and unfulfilling to me.

Between you and me, my top five life priorities have changed with every passing decade. What was important to me at 20 didn’t include a husband or children. By age 30, those were added.  By age 50, caring for aging family members became important, and so on. That’s just the way life works.

I understand that everyone may have different life priorities, and their priorities will shift over time, too.  Having a successful career may always be the most important thing to some people, and there is nothing wrong with that. But for me, having a meaningful life is more important than simply having a successful career, however that may be defined.

If you’ve never taken some quiet time for yourself, to reflect and figure out what your priorities in life really are, you might want to give it a try.  Again, it’s not a test. There are no right or wrong answers—other than what’s right or wrong for you. So be honest with yourself. There is no better time than now to give it a go.

No matter where you are in your career, don’t feel intimidated if you’ve never tried this exercise before. If you need a little help, you might find Dr. Mark Goulston’s blog, Why So Many High Achievers Feel Unfulfilled—The Syndrome of Disavowed Yearning a good way to kick-start this little project.

Rest assured, it’s never too soon—or too late—to listen to your heart and define your real priorities.

Comments

[Karen Silver]

Whatever I do in the world, the most important work is on myself; staying honest, staying agile and making sure my self expression stays as clear as possible. There's compassion in that; if I expect people to read my mind and assume that they got it right, it leaves them open to upset and me to disappointment. I have to remember that all the time. The late Dag Hammarskjold wrote, in "Markings," that power should only be held by those who work to deserve it every day and he was right.

[Deb Boelkes]

Thanks for commenting, Karen. Great insights. You might also appreciate these insights from the now retired CEO and Chairwoman of The Container Store, Melissa Reiff, who I interviewed in both my most recent and my next upcoming book.

In my most recent book, "Women on Top", Melissa talks about the company's values-based Foundation Principles. Their 7th Foundation Principal is "Communication IS Leadership," which Melissa herself brought to the company. In my upcoming book, "Strong Suit: Leadership Success Secrets from Women on Top", Melissa expands on this theme and discusses SELFLESS communication vs. SELFISH Communication.

"Selfless communication is about putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, understanding them, learning about them, and then communicating with them as you believe they would want to be communicated with. It’s customization versus just communicating the same old way to everyone because that is easier for you.

"In my opinion selfish communication is when you communicate to everybody the same way. You just kind of go, “blah, blah, blah.” You don't take the time to ask questions of someone else or try to understand how they might best receive the communication. Everybody hears and sees things differently. It’s certainly not one size fits all.

"I would say that practicing effective, thoughtful, predictable, reliable, compassionate, and yes, courteous communication–every single day–is essential in sustaining a business....But it’s hard. It’s takes incredible discipline, effort and a genuine caring and commitment."