If You Could Pick Your Family, Who Would They Be?

By Deb Boelkes

Have you ever considered why you were born into the circumstances that you were?

Some schools of thought assert that we choose the families we will be born into before we make our appearance as infants. Some believe it is through angelic foreknowledge that we select the time, place, lifestyle situation, and parent(s) who will best enable us to experience the kind of challenges and life-lessons that our soul needs to continue to develop spiritually, earthly life by earthly life, throughout eternity.

If you’ve read any of my books, you are probably aware that I was an only child. While my earliest years were tranquil and carefree, my home life grew increasingly tumultuous when my mother succumbed to alcoholism and my father essentially stopped coming home when I was in high school. Seeking some sense of stability until I was able to strike out on my own, I spent most of my after-class hours with my best friend’s family.

I can’t begin to imagine what could have become of me had it not been for this truly generous and loving family who essentially took me in as their own, no questions asked, at a time when I needed them most. Perhaps the biggest blessing of all is that they have continued to be my family to this very day.

If I could have picked my parents from the get-go, I would have picked my best friend’s parents and circumvented all the chaos life threw at me during my pre-teen and teenage years. Yet, it was no doubt all the existential challenges I faced growing up that enabled me to become a stronger, more self-reliant, and appreciative young adult than many of my peers.  Perhaps I would be a dramatically different person today had it not been for my possibly predestined path.  

Some years later, when I asked my chosen mom, “How can I ever repay you for all you have done for me?” she simply replied...

Click to read more ...

Even You Can Transform Lives

By Deb Boelkes

Have you ever considered taking a complete break from your work-a-day life for a month or two, just for the purpose of making a difference in the lives of others who need it most? Have you ever hesitated to do so because you believed you couldn’t take extended time off or you didn’t have the skills necessary to make the kind of impact that would really matter?

If so, you’re not alone. But as former President Ronald Reagan once said, “Never let the things you can’t do stop you from doing what you can.”

My friend Deedee (not her real name) was a transportation planner for one of the largest cities in America when she decided to follow that advice. One evening after work, she happened to attend a meeting where a representative of Mercy Ships was the guest speaker. What Deedee learned during that brief, but informative session spoke to her heart. She immediately knew she had to learn more.

Click to read more ...

To Quit or Not to Quit

By Deb Boelkes

Have you ever experienced a feeling of dread on a Sunday evening as you climbed into bed and realized, “Oh no. Tomorrow is Monday… AGAIN.”

I’ve certainly been there, although not too many times. Whenever that feeling of dread lasted more than a few weeks, I knew instinctively it was time to make a move. But before jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, I had to first diagnose the real problem.

The first time I ever faced such a dilemma was when I was four years into my initial career as a fashion designer. A vendor, of all people, told me I didn’t belong in the industry. What a wakeup call that was.

At that point in my career, I had already resigned from two jobs—each time to follow my young Naval Officer husband when his ship changed duty stations. Because there was no technology enabling people to work remotely back then, I had little choice but to quit jobs I truly loved because my husband was my top priority. It’s always been my mantra to stay true to my beliefs.     

Eventually I settled into my third design job—one I loved even more than the first two—designing junior women’s swimwear. I fully expected to be there for the long term.   

Click to read more ...

The Happiest Place on Earth

By Deb Boelkes

Disneyland, known as “The Happiest Place on Earth” for almost 70 years now, opened its doors the year I was born. For the first eight years of my life, I was lucky enough to live just 12 miles down the road from Mickey, Minnie and Cinderella.

As mentioned in my book, Heartfelt Leadership: How to Capture the Top Spot and Keep on Soaring, my family made a habit of visiting Disneyland year after year. To this day, I still enjoy watching our old home-movies of me as a three-year-old, happily dancing down Main Street and into Tomorrowland wearing my favorite red plaid skirt, white bobby socks, and a Mickey Mouse ear hat—with “Debbie” embroidered on it—atop my pony-tailed head. Those merry excursions were some of the happiest days of my life.

Whenever there, I would imagine what it might be like to live in one of those charming but inaccessible apartments above the shops on Main Street or near the Golden Horseshoe Saloon in Frontierland. Acknowledging that we grown-ups must live in the real world, there’s no reason we can’t still aspire to live in the happiest place on earth. So, I’ve forever strived to make my work and home environments as welcoming and happy as life seemed at Disneyland.

Click to read more ...

What are You Doing for the Good of Humanity?

By Deb Boelkes

Several folks I’ve worked with over the years invested in careers that promised to bring them power and wealth. Others passionately pursued the one and only career that interested them ever since childhood, irrespective of any power or wealth that might come with it. Others dedicated themselves to doing good for humanity, whatever the cost. How about you?

The focus of my own career shifted considerably over time. At first, I tested the waters in a variety of endeavors, all in attempts to discover my strong suits. I eventually found my true niche in leadership within some of the world’s largest technology companies. Ever since, I’ve found great pleasure serving humanity as an author and public speaker.

I recently stumbled upon an insightful podcast interview with a respected neurosurgeon and wellness expert, Dr. Jack Kruse, CEO of the Kruse Longevity Center. During the interview, Dr. Kruse shared the process of his own humanitarian awakening which took place during the latter portion of his career as he helped patients avoid the healthcare burdens that many of us face as we age. His story went something like this:

Click to read more ...

Do the People You Serve Love You?

By Deb Boelkes

Year end is always a great time to reflect on our performance hits and misses. It’s a great time to ask yourself what went better or worse than expected, what should you do less of or stop doing, and what should you do more of or start doing to improve your performance and that of your organization?

With the precarious way the world is evolving, perhaps we should also add a few more questions to our end-of-year review list: Do your employees, business partners, and clients truly love you or are they simply putting up with you?  Is there anything you or your organization are doing (or not doing) that might lead to your staff, business partners or clients getting so fed up that they might initiate retaliatory action?  Is there anything you could do to alleviate the hostility?

Click to read more ...

Whose Counsel Do You Seek for Important Decisions?

By Deb Boelkes

Most everyone feels the need to seek counsel from a wise, trusted mentor now and then, especially when we face an obviously big decision that clearly has the potential to change the direction of our lives. Yet, we don’t always know when a seemingly small or insignificant decision might head us in a direction we could never anticipate.

Just think back to all those little everyday decisions you have made over the course of your life that not only completely changed your trajectory, but the lives of countless others as well. Many such decision points confront us when we least expect them.   

Recently, an octogenarian friend of mine, Brian, shared a story with me about a young couple he lived next door to when he was a child. His story was about how an unanticipated decision...

Click to read more ...

In Remembrance of Dr. Mark

By Deb Boelkes

A few weeks ago, a call rang into my office with a caller ID from the West Los Angeles area. Since my beloved business partner, Dr. Mark Goulston, resides in that area code, I immediately answered the call with a friendly, “Hello, this is Deb…”  

The caller cheerfully responded, “You don’t know me, but I just finished reading your book, The WOW Factor Workplace, and I just loved it! It was such a wonderful book, I just had to call to let you know. Thank you so much for writing it. Reading this book has been life changing for me.”

Instantly intrigued, I wanted to know what this gentleman did for a living. He surprised me when he said he was Dr. Mark’s barber for many years.

I had never received accolades about any of my leadership books from a barber before, so I asked the exuberant gentleman how he came to read The WOW Factor Workplace. The barber responded, “Mark’s wife offered it to me as a gift when she was sorting through Mark’s office.”

Baffled, I responded, “Sorting through Mark’s office?”

“I’m sorry. Have you not heard that Mark died suddenly about six months ago?”     

Hearing that was like a gut punch.

After I moved from southern California to Florida, Dr. Mark and I communicated by phone quite frequently while we were collaborating on The Wow Factor Workplace and its follow-on book, Heartfelt Leadership.  But after these two books were published, we spoke less frequently, perhaps a couple times a year. You know how time flies when you’re busy juggling multiple business and family priorities.

Struggling to recall the last time we spoke; I was stunned to realize that it had been a couple years. Yet, it was comforting to know that when we did talk, he would always confirm that he was still trying to gracefully retire and spend more time with his grandchildren.

“That’s the way life should be at your age,” I would encourage him. But now he was gone.

For someone who tries very hard to live a life without regrets, I couldn’t help but chastise myself for not deliberately calling him more often.  How I wished I could tell him, just once more, how much I loved him and cherished his friendship, and how he had always amazed me by telling me what I was thinking before I even realized myself what I was thinking.

What a rare and unique talent he had– articulating another’s thoughts and feelings, even better than they could, and before they could. I’ve never known anyone else with such a precious gift.

Perhaps that is what captivated me when...

Click to read more ...