Sometimes You Must Reinvent Yourself

By Deb Boelkes

Have you ever had to just start over? I mean, completely reinvent what you do for a living?  Does the thought of doing so scare you, like jumping off a cliff?

These past 18 months have been challenging for almost everyone—and especially so for those who have lost their livelihoods or are facing the firing squad, thanks to vaccine mandate deadlines. My heart goes out to anyone struggling to find an optimistic path forward to reinvent oneself.   

Reflecting on my 40-year career, I see it now as an unending series of rethinking who I am and what I bring to the party. For me, re-imagining who I could be and what I might offer to the world is stimulating. The endless possibilities inspire and energize me.

The possibility of failing at something new has rarely entered my mind.  Maybe that’s because I’m bored by status quo. “Because we’ve always done it this way” mindsets repel me like diverging magnetic fields of two similar poles.

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Do You Like Being Told What to Do?

By Deb Boelkes

Have you ever noticed how young children like to do things on their own, unassisted?

I get a kick out of watching my little granddaughters exert their independence when they finally get to the toddler stage, confident that they can dress themselves. If I sit down to help them put their shoes on the correct feet, the little one will emphatically push my hands away and say, “I do myself!” 

It doesn’t matter that they don’t know which shoe goes on which foot, or that they can’t fasten straps the way I would. “I do it!” they tell me—and they take pride in doing so, their own way. They don’t like being told what to do.

Fostering self-sufficiency, independence, and pride in fulfilling one’s own desires without the aid of others is an important aspect of leadership development, even for the very young 

A year later, I note the state of the granddaughter’s room when it’s time for a bedtime story. The bed is unmade from the night before. Toys and clothes are strewn everywhere.  In attempts to help her learn organizational skills, I’ll suggest, “Shall we tidy up your room first?” If I’m lucky, I’ll hear “OK” before mommy orders, “Clean up your room!” When that happens, the granddaughter is likely to respond with an emphatic “No!” They don’t like to be told what to do.   

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Who Deserves Your Heartfelt Gratitude?

By Deb Boelkes

When was the last time you thanked someone for being an important part of your life?

The responses I typically hear to this question can be quite interesting. Sometimes, I simply get a dear-in-the headlights kind of look, as though one’s mind is madly searching through a mass of files in their personal Wayback Machine.  

Now, seriously, give it some thought. Who were the key people in your life, the ones who mentored you and were instrumental in your getting where you are?

I recently had the privilege of interviewing Nancy Howell Agee, president and CEO of Carilion Clinic—an integrated healthcare organization serving nearly a million Virginians and West Virginians—in preparation for writing my upcoming book, Women on Top: What’s Keeping You From Executive Leadership?  During our conversation, Nancy posited, “I have a little brass turtle here on my desk. When you see a turtle on top of a fence post, consider how she got there. You know she didn’t get there by herself.”

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Make Every Day a Beautiful Day

By Deb Boelkes

If you’ve read my book The WOW Factor Workplace: How to Create a Best Place to Work Culture, you know I am a big fan of the late great UCLA basketball coaching legend, John Wooden. I particularly relate to this quote of his, which pretty much sums up my own philosophy of life:

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.    

Regardless of how others choose to live, you have the magical ability to make every day a beautiful day—regardless of what else is going on in the world. I am not saying you should blithely be a Pollyana, but there is nothing wrong with seeing the bright side in every situation.  It’s all in your attitude. 

With all that has transpired over the past eighteen months, it is easy to see why some people believe the world is falling apart. Some cities have been virtually destroyed by protests and riots. Businesses have been forced to close. People have lost jobs and loved ones.

Yes, life is challenging. Always has been, always will be. But overcoming challenges is how we learn, grow, and become better leaders. The best leaders—heartfelt leaders—do the best they can to make every day a beautiful day.  It is all in our attitude.

I have a sign in my kitchen that says, “Attitude is everything. Make it a good one.” I used to have a bigger version hanging on my office wall at work. No one entered without smiling at it. It worked wonders to put everyone who came to visit me in a better frame of mind.

As I said in my book, Heartfelt Leadership: 

I am a firm believer we must look inside to challenge ourselves in new directions every day. We must lead and behave in a way that we continuously inspire others to be all they can be, too…. Heartfelt Leadership begins with you.

Complaining about the status quo and criticizing others is not inspirational, nor is it the mark of a great leader. Instead, heartfelt leaders reveal the beauty inside themselves, and they find beauty in others.  The leaders people choose to follow are those who give hope and relentlessly share a WOW vision. Be that leader. It’s really not difficult. It is all in your attitude, so pick a good one.

One of my favorite songs—from one of my all-time favorite movies, the musical Bye Bye Birdie—is the American classic, Put on a Happy Face. It was introduced by one of my favorite actors, Dick Van Dyke, who over the past 60 years has never failed to make me smile. The first few stanzas are these:

Gray skies are gonna clear up,
Put on a happy face;
Brush off the clouds and cheer up,
Put on a happy face.
Take off that gloomy mask of tragedy,
It's not your style
You'll look so good that you'll be glad
You decided to smile!

Pick out a pleasant outlook,
Stick out that noble chin;
Wipe off that “full of doubt” look,
Slap on a happy grin!
And spread sunshine all over the place,
Just put on a happy face!

It’s all in your attitude. Be sure to pick a good one.

The late radio and television personality, Art Linkletter, said this in his book, Yes, You Can!  

Learning to laugh at yourself, and at unpleasant situations that confront you, is one of the best techniques for turning a negative incident into something more positive. Also, the more you can stand back and smile at what’s happening to you, the cooler your head will be, and the more resilient and effective you’ll become in dealing with tough challenges. 

While I believe it is important to stay on top of current events, rather than allow the barrage of endless bad news make me angry or bring me down, I choose to begin and end each day by appreciating the view of Florida’s Intracoastal Waterway from my back veranda. I especially love summer evenings, when the sky turns brilliant shades of pink and lavender, just before the sun goes down behind the feathery clouds on the other side of the sound. The fleeting pastel majesty reminds me to be grateful for that one last glimpse of the twilight sky, perfectly painted by the artistic hand of God.      

Earlier this week, my youngest son and his wife came to visit from California, along with their adorable baby, Vienna. The last morning of their visit, I got up extra early to enjoy some precious, final one-on-one moments with the little one, who I knew I would dearly miss before the morning was over. But rather than sadly await their departure, I awakened the baby, got her dressed, and took her out on the west veranda to enjoy the bright blue sky and relatively cool morning air.

As we stepped onto the screened in porch, we could hear a gentle patter of rain on the roof.  “How strange” I thought to myself, given all we could see of the sky was cloudless and clear blue.

At that very instant, a great big perfect rainbow appeared brightly before us. As I pointed it out to the baby, Vienna smiled that happy grin of hers, spreading even more sunshine all over the place. While it would soon be time to say goodbye to my cherished family, how could I not put on my own happy face, too, and lock such a beautiful moment into my memory forever.

May you, too, make every day a beautiful day, regardless of whatever else is going on. Just put on a happy face.  You will be amazed at how much brighter the world around you will magically become.

The Value of Loyalty

By Deb Boelkes

I usually hear a resounding “YES!” whenever I ask a business leader or military officer whether loyalty is important in the workplace.

Yet, I find some leaders to be more focused on customer loyalty than employee loyalty. They rationalize that loyal customers spend more money over the long term and therefore offer greater long-term value. This may explain why some companies spend fortunes on customer loyalty programs—to incent customers to feel good about purchasing their brand.

But have you ever heard of companies spending fortunes on employee loyalty programs?

It has been my experience that the most impactful customer loyalty programs are organic. Organic customer loyalty costs little because it is the result of consistent interactions with enthusiastically loyal employees who love where they work. Happy, loyal employees naturally share their “lovin’ feelin’s” with customers who, in turn, become enthusiastically loyal to your brand.

Too often when I ask leaders, “What do you do to instill loyalty in your employees?” I get blank stares. They don’t know what to say. Instead, they express bewilderment that employees just aren’t loyal like they used to be. If this is indeed so, could it have something to do with their own lack of showing employees that they care about them? 

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Who is Responsible for Teaching our Kids?

By Deb Boelkes

Since the onset of the pandemic, working parents of school-age children have had to manage the education of their children while also managing their own careers.

Who could have imagined that schools the world over would shut down, not just for weeks, but in some cases for over a year? Who would have ever thought that a public-school teacher, whose salary is paid by taxpayers, could either refuse to teach or be disallowed to teach by the teachers’ union unless specific union demands were met?

Childhood education has certainly changed since my grandfather was a boy—at the turn of the last century. I recall him telling me how he attended school in a one-room schoolhouse in Kansas. The students in his class, mostly between the ages of 6 and 12, either had to walk to school or ride a horse shared with siblings. There was no carpool or school bus. Some had to walk two hours each way.

The schoolmarm, who was responsible for teaching students of all ages and at all grade levels, had a contract with the county school board that stipulated she could keep her job only while she remained unmarried and demonstrated high moral character.

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Leading Through Trying Times

By Deb Boelkes

Life has way of throwing us curve balls when we least expect them. As a leader, it can be challenging enough to quietly deal with your own personal hardships when they happen, but how do you brace yourself to manage situations professionally yet compassionately when those reporting to you suffer a tragedy?

While the COVID-19 pandemic may have been a wonderful boon to some organizations, like major online retailers and home delivery firms, it’s been a disaster for many in the travel, hospitality and tourism industries. The pandemic has completely derailed many small businesses and anyone unfortunate enough to have been labelled non-essential.

When disaster strikes, it’s in the DNA of heartfelt leaders to run toward the fire, so to speak. Just as first responders are trained to do, heartfelt leaders know instinctively to be highly visible. They stand ready to provide support, comfort, and aid to distressed team members whenever it’s needed most. Doing so is what separates heartfelt leaders from the rest.

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Do You Disparage Your Competition?

By Deb Boelkes

I remember when I was four or five years old, some of the neighbor kids would say silly things to each other, like “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” or, “Ooooo, you have coodies!”

Whenever one child might do something mean to another, the recipient might call the instigator a name, like “You coo-koo head!” followed by, “I’m going to tell on you!”

While name calling and character trashing statements may be common practice for preschool aged children, those kinds of abusive remarks were never condoned at my house. To the contrary, if my mother or grandmother happened to overhear me or any of the neighborhood children say such things, they would immediately pull me aside, sit me down, look me straight in the eye, and say to me, “It’s not nice to call people names. You know that don’t you?”

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